OMG I need a GPS so bad. Online maps suck giant ass! I hate them. They. are. always. WRONG!
Half of My Heart….belongs to John Mayer
I almost swooned myself into a coma after seeing this magazine cover online. I HEART John Mayer so much. He’s the feature Coverboy for the Dec 09 Details Magazine. I am soooo buying that magazine right now!His sexy voice sends me into an orgasmic trance that I would happily stay in forever if I didn’t actually have a life to live. There is something so incredibly sexy about him. He’s not your typical rock star. He’s uber intelligent bordering on geeky. Ok maybe he’s already stepped over that border but it’s still hot. He’s the perfect combo of smart, sexy, talented and down to earth with a little bit of playboy tossed in for good measure. He’s smoking hot and doesn’t know it. It makes me want him all the more. A hot guy who’s not an arrogant ass.
Now let’s talk about those lyrics…. they kill me! Let’s take it one album at a time, shall we?
Inside Wants Out
”Did you expect to kiss me one time while looking at me with the same eyes ever again?
so come on and face it..” ~Love Soon
One more thing.Why is it my fault? So maybe I try too hard. But it’s all because of this desire. I just wanna be liked. I just wanna be funny. Looks like the jokes on me. So call me captain backfire.” ~My Stupid Mouth
Room For Squares
“I could have met you in a sandbox. I could have passed you on the sidewalk. Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?” ~Love Song for No One
“Something ’bout the way the hair falls in your face. I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase. You tell me where to go and though I might leave to find it. I’ll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it” ~ Your Body is a Wonderland
Heavier Things
“I can’t be sure that this state of mind. Is not of my own desire. I wish there was an over the counter test for loneliness. For loneliness, like this” ~ Something’s Missing
“What will this fix, you know you’re not a quick forgive and i wont sleep through this. I survive on the breath you are finished with” ~ Come Back to Bed
Continuum
“Can’t seem to hold you like I want to. So I can feel you in my arms. Nobody’s gonna come and save you. We pulled too many false alarms” ~ Slow Dancing in a Burning Room
“Some need the exhibition. And some have to know they tried. It’s the chemical weapon for the war that’s raging on inside” ~Belief
Try
“And I don’t need another kind of green to know I’m on the right side with you” ~Another Kinda Green
Any Given Thursday
“I fell in love with the dream that I built of you playing the part of the queen. I’m taking my own advice. I’m giving up tonight. Good luck to you and the king.” ~ Man on the Side
Battle Studies
“Don’t say a word; just come over and lie here with me ’cause I’m just about to set fire to everything I see. I want you so bad I’ll go back on the things I believe. There, I just said it; I’m scared you’ll forget about me.” ~ Edge of Desire
“Anything other than ‘yes’ is ‘no’. Anything other than ‘stay’ is ‘go’. Anything less than ‘I love you’ is lying…” ~ Friends, Lovers or Nothing
Now if you’re not sufficiently swoony and lying in a puddle of your own desire then you’re dead inside. Dead I tell you! I’m just sayin….
Loud Talkers
Yes please have a loud conversation on your cell right in the middle of Starbucks. I don’t mind. It’s not disrupting my reading at all. No, really. But could you yell a little louder? I don’t think the cashier at a Starbucks four states over was able to hear you. Please share with the class. After all, we didn’t come to this establishment for a nice hot drink and quiet atmosphere. No, of course not. We came here to listen to your ever so adorable Lady Gaga ”Love Game” ring tone TEN TIMES in a row and the subsequently idiotic conversation about how “like so hot Jared is, Like omg! The only game I’m interested in playing Sweetheart, is ‘lets see how far up your ass I can shove your cell before it stops ringing’. Seriously? Turn your phone on vibrate, grab your drink and shut the hell up so we can enjoy our drinks. Either that or hit the drive thru and talk on the phone IN. Your. Car! I’m just sayin…..
DS BS
I went to my daughter’s Christmas Choir Concert last night. The amount of talent in that room was astounding. They sounded phenomenal. It went something like this….
You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
Comet and Cupid And Donner and Blitzen.
But do you recall
The most famous reindeer of all?
(blip blip bleeeeep, “die zombie diee”)
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose
and if you ever saw it
you would even say it glows.
(bzzz bzzzz, blip blip blip, “look at this dad” bleepppbleeep” “Shh, turn it down” shuffling noises follow)
All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names
they never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.
(doink doink, zipppzipp, dink dink dink…”yes! alright!” “Shhh”)
Then one foggy Christmas eve (bizzzzzzz)
Santa came to say:
“Rudolph with your nose so bright (blurpblurpbleeeep)
won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”
Then how the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee (yippee)
“Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
you’ll go down in history.”
(“look, I got it!” beep beep bleeeepp”)
What were those other sounds you ask? Oh, it was kid next to me playing his friggin Nintendo DS. Through. The. Whole. Concert! He looked all of 8 yrs old. I think an 8 yr old can sit quietly through an hour and a half long concert. But obviously his parents thought it was “easier” to let him play video games. Good grief! Teach the kid some manners. It’s RUDE to attend an event and not even watch. What is WITH parents anyway? We taught our girls to sit quietly for events like those. We occasionally brought a book or pad of paper for them to draw on for those times when we had nothing to do but wait (ie Dr appt or something). But this was a concert. Great Christmas music sung by some very talented kids. There were even some audience sing alongs too. Come on people. Leave the toys at home and teach your kids how to behave properly at a public event. It’s not that hard. Im just sayin…
The Snuggie
The “Snuggie?” Seriously? It’s a backwards robe, sans the belt. Who thought this was a good idea? Is wearing a robe really that difficult? Yes I can see how slipping your arms into the sleeves then having to tie the belt would be quite taxing. And blankets, well they are just so cumbersome. Ridiculous! You know what we called a snuggie when I was a kid? It was another name for a wedgie. They named their product after a piece of fabric that is lodged in one’s ass. Idiotic. Put on a robe or cuddle up in a blanket for crying out loud. You’ll still be nice and warm but you won’t look some kind of freakish polar fleeced Monk. I’m just saying…..
Bipolar Temperatures
The money-saving mode around the work place has gotten out of hand and its driving me mad. I understand cutting back on office supplies, recycling more, etc…but making us all freeze to death is going too far. I mean really, getting frostbite from sitting on the toilet is ridiculous. It’s cold EVERYWHERE in the building except the few offices that we occupy. (on a side note, we don’t even have control over the heat in our OWN office – it’s either hot or cold! I’m not joking. Either the heat is blasting and I’[m stripping my layers off or the A/C is blowing on me.) I’m seriously thinking about bringing my red fuzzy blanket to work and cuddling up in it at my desk. Think they would notice? So far they haven’t noticed us wearing our coats all day or making multiple trips to the hot water tap for tea or cocoa. Subtlety is lost on them apparently.
Being cold makes me grouchy, in case you didn’t catch that. I HATE being cold. H.A.T.E! I’ve got some better ideas for saving money. How about we print and copy less? Email, cell phone texts and website postings would save us a TON of money. “But people are lazy about checking email.” I know, I”ve heard that excuse before. Tough. Teach them to use it. Instead of mailing out 600 postcards reminding them it’d “daylight savings time”, why not post it online or send out a mass email or phone call? Hell, you could even send some things out in a cell phone txt. It’s called technology. Why arent’ we using it?? No instead we cut back on the heat. Yeah that’s brilliant. Tick off all the employees. That’s a great way to boost morale. I’m sure we will be just as productive once our brains have turned into popsicle. No, No..that’s alright. I don’t need to be warm and comfortable at work.
Enough already. I say stop the madness! No more cold hallways! No more frozen butts stuck on toilet seats! Cut back elsewhere or I swear, I’ll wear a full on parka, snow pants and ski gloves and we’ll see how much typing and filing I can get done then! Either that or I’ll walk around the building in a thin shirt with my headlights on HIGH beams until someone notices a problem and turns the damned thermostat up!!! Trust me, where I work that would be a BIG problem. Just turn the damned heat up please?? ……..I’m just sayin!
Work Christmas Parties
When you hear the words “Work Christmas Party”, what do you think of? Maybe it conjures up images of cheap food served in a tacky hall to a bunch of people you don’t like spending time with at work let alone outside of it . But you subject yourself to all of it for the sake of free beer and a night out. Well my husbands work parties are nothing like that. Thank God! Last year’s party was a Vegas themed event held on a boat on Lake Union with free beer and wine, great buffet style food and a pay bar. The party came complete with table games and hard thumping music. It was fun even though my husband was the only one I knew. Normally I hate social functions like these. They make me nervous. Small talk with strangers is SO not my thing. But toss in some free booze and I’ll talk to anyone….or flirt. Now that is fun. My kinda party.
This year it was in the Arctic Club Hotel in Downtown Seattle. The hotel was all decked out in it’s holiday finest. White, gold, silver and greenery everywhere. Very classy. They called it a Red Carpet Event and required semi formal attire. We checked our coats at the door and made our way up the stairs to the red carpet. There was literally a red carpet, small group of paparazzi and a wall mural behind us littered with the company’s name on it. Just like a real red carpet photo op. Way cool! I wore a short black number with a sweet jeweled cardigan. Hubby was lookin fine in all black with a sexy black and silver tie. Very sexy. All that was missing was a visit from Brangelina and maybe a wardrobe malfunction.
The ballroom was decorated in gold, white and silver and dimly lit with small Christmas trees in the corners of the room and candles on the tables. The food was first rate. No cheap “pigs in a blanket” or veggies and dip here.
- Appetizers: Crabcakes, spring rolls, stuffed mushrooms, carmelized onions with beef on toast points, full cheese and fruit tray with home made crackers
- Main Course: Three kinds of pasta (seafood ravioli, mastacioli marinara and a rigatoni with a cream sauce) and t0ppings like pinenuts, roasted red peppers, sun dried tomatoes, shredded parmesan cheese, olives and more. Caesar Salad.
- Desserts: An assortment of mini desserts like banana cream, lemon merange, tiramisu, chocolate mousse and more (sinfully good!)
- Drinks: Water, Chardonnay or Pino Noir (FREE – a nice Pino Grigio or White Zin would be better but who am I to complain?)
- Bar: Full bar $10/drink (spendy but good sized – so of course I had four of them…mmmmm drinkey goodness)
The band played loud classic rock while we all drank ourselves into a stupor. By the time they played “Hurt so Good” I was grabbing hubby’s tie and singing along in my best “naughty milf” voice. Too fun! I dragged hubby into a corner and made him make out with me. I know, totally Jr High but so what!? I flirted shamelessly with him and a couple of his workmates (and his boss…he was a yummy one!). I got the evil eye from one of the wives. I think it’s because I was the only woman standing in a huge group of drunk men, Patron in hand, laughing it up with them. Hubby thinks it’s because I hugged her man twice and called him cute to his face. Could be both. Im fairly sure I hit on three of his friends, including his boss. That’s what happens when you let me drink four vodka and cranberry, a sip of bourbon and a big shot of Patron. But hell, it was fun! Oh, and the girl that all the guys think is hot… SO not! She’s small, cute and Asian. But that’s it. No ass… boobs are barely a mouthfull and wearing a tiara? You’ve got to be kidding? I bet she is a high maintence Princess who thinks going down is “yucky”. Im just sayin….
No More Sugar Coating
I’m way too nice. It’s not often that I say exactly what’s on my mind. In the exact way I want to. I edit things in my head before I speak. Which in a way is good. But it’s also boring as hell and not honest. No more sugar coating. This blog is my brain, unedited. I’m just sayin……
Cold Calls
What is it with men online? I can’t count how many times I get hit on by men either in yahoo or msn messanger or on my facebook page. Yeah, I know I’m nice looking but geeze. What about “your hot, r u single?” is flattering? It’s lame. Come on, you can’t come up with something wittier than that crap? Puhleeze. It screams “desperate loser”. You must be pretty hard up if you have to troll for women in online chat rooms or social networking sites. Can’t get a real girl? Gee, I wonder why? Is it your lack of conversational skills? Your reliance on chat lingo instead of real words? Since when does resorting to “virtual cold calling” work anyway? Maybe on a 22 year old, insecure bimbo who’s got nothing better to do than show you her boobies on webcam. But not me. Try a little harder next time. ~I’m just sayin…..
American Music Awards (American Idol Rant)
I didn’t get a chance to watch The American Music Awards show live but I heard a recap on the radio. Who’s bright idea was it to invite Adam Lambert to sing? I use the term “sing” very loosely. It was hiddeous Adam Lambert needs to go away! He is so arrogant and his performance was horrid! Im a bit upset with the Idol handlers anyway. They have been treating Adam as if HE won Idol last year and ignoring Kris Allen. Um Hello…KRIS won NOT Adam. Yet he’s asked to perform on the AMA’s and Kris wasnt? Puhhleeze. The only reason he is getting any attention at all is because of his orientation. Admit it. And what is with all the female dancers on stage? He’s not into women but having them dripping off him like he’s the next Jon Bon Jovi made sense? The song sucked. Vocals were shouty and off key. The dancing was robotic and not in an 80′s, dancing on a piece of cardboard with a boom box sort of way. The crotch grind and subsequent boy on boy kiss was nauseating to say the least. Whatever happened to standing on the stage and just singing the song? All those theatrical stunts were obviously meant to distract the viewers into thinking they were watching someone with real talent. Real talent doesn’t need all that fluff. Real Talent stands on it’s own. I’m just sayin…..
Now on the other hand, other Idol winners/contestants…Daughtry, Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood were all FABULOUS and not one of them had to do crotch faceplants either.(David Cook should have been invited to sing as well as Kris Allen)….again, Im just sayin…..
